I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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