you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
