found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
