just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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