ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
