If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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