I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
