I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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