grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
