you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
