i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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