I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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