He asked me if I "almost moaned"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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