he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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