i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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