I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
