what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
