They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
