I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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