you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
