I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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