Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
