I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
