Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
