Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
