So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
