Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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