whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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