So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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