my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
