Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
