Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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