he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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