Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wanna passion pit in your ass
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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