Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
