U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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