so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
