I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
