dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
