just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
