just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry about my life...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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