maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
