my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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