Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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