He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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