Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
