I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
