So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
