I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
