Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
